Godzilla vs. Kong: Do you like your monster gorilla rare or well done?

Like the rest of the world, I saw the newly released Godzilla Vs. Kong trailer this past week. If you missed it, you can check it out below: 

From the snippets and hints dropped in the two minute and thirty-two second preview, it seems Godzilla has gone rogue as he and King Kong are finishing some kind of ancient monster war. After watching it, I shared the same reaction as the rest of the world: this movie had better end with char-broiled gorilla flambe.

At least, I assume that was the rest of the world’s reaction. I didn’t actually ask them. But come on.

I recognize that I have not seen the movie, but as a good American who loves the 1st Amendment I am compelled to forcefully argue about something I know little about. It’s my right, Vlad. Look it up.

Scene from Godzilla vs. Kong, where Godzilla is playing with his food. (Warner Bros)

The movie looks to be simply brimming with simian domination fantasy*, wherein King Kong (who, in his defense, has big canine teeth) somehow keeps landing shots on a thousand ton reptile who can survive military carpet bombings, the pressure of the bottom of the ocean, and is also capable of  breathing something that looks like a cross between the Death Star’s laser and the Ghost Busters' proton pack beam.

It’s not that I dislike King Kong. But this reminds me of when I was a young lad reading comic books, and two clearly unequal heroes would fight, like Wolverine vs. Captain Chowderhead or something. Just to sell the story, they always made the clearly less powerful character somehow go toe-to-toe with someone who, by all rights, should have diced him into dog food in seconds.

Anyway, it all comes down to this: Godzilla is a walking thermonuclear bomb. When last we saw him, his mere presence was so radioactive that metal in his vicinity was melting. He fought King Ghidora after beating a bevy of other monsters with real powers, after he soaked up a massive weapon of mass destruction that nearly killed him. Oh, and you know how he was healed? By taking a nuke to the face.

The last we saw Kong, he was a giant gorilla.

There is no contest.

 Think Kong will win? Check out the "Kong will win" counterpoint argument coming soon by Jeffrey Dever.

*”Simian Domination Fantasy” will be the name of my garage grunge rock band’s debut album, once I recruit a band and learn how to play an instrument and/or sing. 

W.E. Linde writes for Damper 3, as well as on Medium (https://william-linde.medium.com/) and is a contributor to Duffel Blog.


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