How to have a safe and patriotic post-lockdown 4th of July celebration

Happy Independence Day! 

Well, we did it. The pandemic is over* and we're now back to normal.** We've been through a lot over the past year, and now by golly it's time to really, truly celebrate! And what better time to go all out on our celebrations than the 4th of July? But before you celebrate America's birthday by drunkenly setting off some explosives made by America's top international adversary, take heed of some simple precautions to ensure you have a fun time that maximizes the chances you wake up with the same number of digits that you go to sleep with. 

*The pandemic isn't over.

** Things are not back to normal.


  1. the pandemic never was. don't need your asterisks.

    1. We get paid by the character and a surplus of asterisks. It was win-win.


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