I’m starting to regret naming my newborn son “Omicron”
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I can’t help but feel that Life is just
messing with me now. We’ve all gone through a lot over the past couple of
years, sure. But lately I’ve gotten the distinct feeling that “Someone” up
“There” is gunning for me quite
specifically. Because of certain recent events, I’m starting to regret choices
I’ve made, even ones I was convinced were wise and prudent. Like my decision to
name my son “Omicron.” That seems, now, to have been a bad move.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re
thinking “But Omicron is a proud and respected word that any person would love
as a first name.” And I agree. But tell that to my wife, who was admittedly
sedated when I told the nurse what baby’s name was to be. When she regained her
faculties, she was actually opposed to the name altogether. But honestly, she’s
been harboring resentment since our daughter Blockchain was born three years
ago. I think she just wants attention.
I remember when the inspiration hit me.
My wife was in labor, and I was trying to set up a livestream of the event on
Facebook. I couldn’t get it to work, since everyone in the delivery room –
including my “loving” wife – was screaming at me. (I mean, hello, there’s a BABY about to be born! Don’t you think you should be
more focused on that?!) As I put my phone away, a word from a meme caught
my eye: Omicron. It burned into my soul, and I decided then and there that my
son would bear that name.Opinion by Scotty Whooping
In my defense, since everyone was yelling
at me, I didn’t get to read the whole meme. If I had, I may not have decided to
use that name. So really, I’d say we all share some of the blame.
It’s not just my son’s name. though. All
sorts of decisions I’ve made recently that seemed like no-brainers are biting
me. Take the business I started at the beginning of 2021. I’m a health nut who
loves to run, and I was inspired by the Orangetheory fitness studios to create
a gym specifically tailored to help runners train. But apparently few people
want to join my Critical Race Theory gym.
I can only hope that things turn out
better in 2022. For what it’s worth, I think they will. I resolve to be a
better father to Blockchain and Omicron, and a more attentive husband to my
wife once the court order expires. Until then, it’s just me and my new puppy
Epstein together to forge our future.
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