How to spoil a Star Wars series without giving spoilers

A spoiler-free Star Wars post on the art of spoilers.

Not too long ago, in a spoiler not far enough away...
Poster for Obi-Wan Kenobi, all rights belong to Disney

Well, that’s a wrap! Disney Plus’s feverishly anticipated Obi Wan Kenobi Star Wars series is over, and let me tell you, I loved it! Except for the parts I hated. And as usual, you are all aware of every flaw and every glorious gem of this show as I made sure to post my hot takes within moments of watching every episode. 

To make sure no else one got to you first, I pounced on Obi Wan seconds after each chapter was released, like snatching the proverbial hot apple pie cooling on Disney Plus’s windowsill. Odds are, you woke up every Wednesday this past June to my tweets saying things like “WOW. Obi Wan Kenobi really dropped the ball with this one!” And although I didn’t, for example, specifically reveal that Luke’s time traveling Force Ghost made a cameo, I did attach a photo of Luke’s Force Ghost from The Rise of Skywalker to the tweet. That way I not only tried to add a fly into your episode-watching ointment, I planted the idea that something involving Luke was going to happen. 

It's the blogging version of "I'm not touching you"
Image from Disney's The Force Awakens, all rights theirs


You may have noticed that this is a change in my reporting modus operandi.  I received some, shall we say, “blow back” when I may have revealed too much when dishing out hot takes on The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett. In my defense, I thought it was completely obvious that Boba Fett was going to make out with the Rancor, so I was surprised when I received a ton of whiny, ALL CAPS tweets telling me I had spoiled a major plot twist. But I suppose to the less devoted fans, this may have been an unfortunate reveal. I’m not sorry, of course, because my blog engagement went through the roof. But to make sure I don’t kill the goose laying the golden lightsabers, I acquiesced and made sure to simply drop major hints that will probably taint your enjoyment, if not altogether spoil it.

Let me demonstrate by using another hot universe right now, which is Denis Villeneuve’s adaptation of Frank Herbert’s Dune. To spoil something properly, it pays to dig deeply into the subject matter and gain an intimate knowledge of the history. By doing so you can utterly destroy an entire storyline by simply tweeting something like “that old lady dead on the floor with a box and a needle is gonna cause problems.” Those of you familiar with the Dune series now know someone has killed a Bene Gesserit, and the Reverend Mother was in possession of a Gom Jabbar so she obviously had it in mind to do a Humanity test on someone. So there, you spoiled something without actually articulating a plot point. Everyone wins!

Back to Star Wars. While Obi Wan Kenobi was exceptionally fun to “soft spoil,” that’s old news. The next Star Wars series is Andor in August, followed in 2023 by Ahsoka, so there are plenty of opportunities to ruin key elements of these shows without specifically revealing plot points. Like, if we find out Cassian Andor’s mother was gungan, I’ll tweet something like “OH NO, MEESA SO ANGRY ABOUT ANDOR!” I didn’t reveal anything, but I got to steal a little joy from you. And isn’t that what’s important?

Check out our other Star Wars-related articles, like Poe Dameron: Great character, lousy military leader, and Why Rose Tico Should Have Been a Really Cool Character.

Comments

  1. Is Kinky aware of the Butlerian Jihad. Asking for a friend.

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