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Going green? It’d be a shame if something were to happen this oil

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 A message from your friendly global oil conglomerates Let's talk, tree hugger. Photo by  Hunters Race  on  Unsplash Dear valued consumer, As you are no doubt aware, the fossil fuels “family” is always at the forefront of innovation when it comes to selling the liquified goo sucked out of the Earth and first marketed as fuel over 150 years ago. Our reputations for innovation have been unparalleled as we strive to make sure you keep buying from an industry hell-bent on not changing at all. Some companies are trying to earn your business by being "greener," hoping that just because they started recycling their used wine boxes, you'll buy their crap. And evidently this works, because chumps customers like you seem to care for the environment and don't like the idea of your kids getting heat stroke while they look for a home in the Antarctic Dustbowl. We get it. So we're making changes too. For every electric or hybrid vehicle sold, we will burn a barrel of oil.