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Five tips for the perfect Fourth of July celebration

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There's nothing more American than celebrating Independence Day by detonating thousands of tons of Chinese fireworks every 4th of July after having consumed massive amounts of seared animal flesh compressed into “burger” and “dog” forms. But it takes more than just burned animals and explosives to celebrate, and that's why we've got these tips for the perfect Fourth of July celebration. This is normally a festive time, when Americans of every stripe celebrate the rights we all cherish. This year, however, many people seem to feel adrift, as social upheavals and national divisions have forced us to really consider what it means to be “American.”  It's times like this that it may be helpful to remember: George Washington didn’t lead a rag-tag group of outgunned rebels against the world’s mightiest empire just so the people of this country could light firecrackers, bottle rockets, and sparklers. He did it for the barbeque and mattress sales. So go celebrate, you liberty-lo